We can sometimes react to our children as a result of our relationship with others in our life from OUR PAST! Have you ever said that you would never do or say to your child that was done to you? Then, one day you hear yourself sounding just like one of your parents and doing the very thing you said you would never do. Our experience inside our family was our first relationship. We as children were busy taking notes even if we don’t remember. It is pretty hard to escape repeating some of those things our parents did that we did not like. Most parents do their best. We take a driver’s test to get a license but no test required to be a parent. Hopefully, we learn as we go along. Some things we will do better or perhaps differently than our parents. Other stuff, “not so good” patterns and behaviors get repeated as well. We are Human and we make mistakes.
Child abuse is something that is often repeated. Those are ghosts that must be dealt with in order to stop the destructive behavior from being passed from one generation to another. Realizing that we are repeating what was done to us is the VITAL step toward changing the behavior. If we deny what we are doing is harmful, we are doomed to repeat the cycle.
If you have done or said something that is reminds you of something “icky” in your childhood: tell them that you did/said something that reminded you of what your parents did to you. And most importantly, it was not kind or loving and you didn’t like it. Then apologize…but make sure that apology sticks. Both you and your children may need support and help in assisting you with ‘The Ghosts’.