Your Brand of Creativity

Creativity has been given an exceedingly narrow definition in our society.  When we think of 0af4c5bcreative people in history, images of music or the pastels of Monet and Renoir come to mind.  Creativity is not that complicated.

Creativity is allowing us to “Play.”  It is a unique expression of what we are drawn to.   For example, there is no such thing as a ‘computer nerd’. The Computer is the palette just like the piano is for the musician or the canvas is for the painter.  It is what we do with it that matters.

The truth however, is that each of us has a creative piece inside of us.  It is important to know that creativity is not merely confined to the arts.  What about the inventor of the answering machine or the cheese grater? And how about everyday creative feats such as concocting a new recipe or dealing with a particularly tricky situation at work in an innovative way?  Creative capacities are expressed in a myriad of ways.

Music, theatre, and visual art are not the only forum for creative expression. Computer technology, electronics, and mathematics are areas where creative individuals express themselves everyday.  They are at “play” when they work!  The encouragement and acceptance of ‘freethinking’ in all areas can help everyone in society realize and appreciate their own creative potential!

Take a moment to think about you as the “Creative Artist” of your Life…what are YOU up to?



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Are You “Controlling”?

Yup! Is “control” such a bad thing? It is natural! Just take a look back to find out how we each do it.bad-relations

A certain amount of control is necessary in our lives – none of us would survive in chaos and total uncertainty. As babies and young children, we learned that a certain behavior caused a predictable result. This is not bad thing! We are smart! We begin noticing others and forming our behavior based on how others respond early in life. Just observe young children. They WATCH. They MIMIC. They then CREATE. We are ‘Social’ Animals who need and depend on others to thrive.

Our magnificent human brain takes ‘Notice’ of how others respond to us and is an expert at storing massive amounts of data. Just like a computer with its giant memory, we are gathering, storing and learning a specific roadmap that becomes our ‘Unique Self’.

That bring us back to how we take charge in our life. Everyone has a STYLE of control. An example is temper tantrums. Although most of us have long outgrown temper tantrums, some adults may still pout and manipulate to get his or her way. The silent treatment or withdrawal is simply a “dressed up” method used to control others. It might be thought of as a quiet temper tantrum. Even being excessively charming can be a subtle and effective style of control. Threats, punishments, or bribes are more obvious attempts at controlling the behavior of others. Physical ailments may be one of the most common yet unnoticed control devices. Take a moment to consider your methods of control. We all have them!



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Waking up ‘Selfish’??

What does “Selfish” mean and where does it come from?  We all know people who take more Evolution-does-not-favour-selfish-peoplethen their share – whatever it might be.  It might be a bigger piece of pie or they monopolize the conversation.  We all know people who share or give the minimum to anyone.

As strange as it may sound, sometimes being selfish is often an attempt to get rid of empty, lonely or bad feelings.  There are lots of ways of being selfish.  People who are selfish can horde, accumulate, and possess lots of “stuff”.  They often over indulge in food, drink, drugs etc.  Here’s a secret, Selfishness can come from ‘stuffing and shoving’ the most they can into themselves in order to feel better.   Does it work?  Nope!  Most likely, they are still unsatisfied- still “hungry”.  Until we are comfortable INSIDE we cannot ‘Share’.  Selfishness is the opposite of openness and generosity.

Some of us grow up not knowing or understanding the concept of sharing – simply because it was not demonstrated to us in our lives.   No infant is “born selfish”….just hungry.  We do not wake up one morning “selfish”.  It starts very early and is the result of a lifetime of complex experiences. Can we reverse the trend?  Certainly.  But not until we get to know the ‘Real Story’ about who we are.

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Struggles and difficulties, facing personal problems, and grappling with physical, or Compassion-During-Divorcepsychological pain are all part of Life’s Menu.  Compassion from others and toward you can begin to soothe the hurt and start the process of healing.  Compassion does NOT make a problem go away, but feeling less alone and more understood often gives us courage in dealing with our problems head on.

Check both sides of your ‘Compassion Scale’.  How easy is it for you to give?  How easy is it for you to receive from others?  They should be somewhat balanced!  If we think we don’t need anything from anyone, “because we are strong”, we have mistakenly LEARNED an unhelpful style of coping.  It just is not so!

So, be generous with your compassion when you see loved ones in need.  By the same token, do not be afraid or ashamed to accept the compassion that others offer to you. Needing kindness and caring from others is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of good health.  Keep remembering that we are Social Beings who require and thrive from the love and support of others.  It is another form of nutrition, every bit as important!

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Daring For Success?

So often I hear people talking about not taking risks because they are frightened of failing.   success_street_signHere is a surprise!  There are many who are as afraid of success as of failure.  Why would anyone be concerned about succeeding?  Actually, succeeding stirs up many sleeping issues.  For most of us, one set of feelings and thoughts about “Who We Are” are predominant over the other.  We get very “comfy” with how we see ourselves.   Breaking out of our self-definition is the challenge. It may be more familiar to think and feel, “No, I can’t – it’s no use, I am not a person who can ——”.  Treading on the unfamiliar territory of positive thoughts and actions of succeeding might feel odd or even feel silly.  However, going against what feels familiar (especially if it is negative and harsh) is the fist step toward exploring other possibilities that might result in a newer updated version of YOU!   Can it hurt to try something new and different from what you “always do or say”?

Remember, to succeed or to fail is strictly BETWEEN YOU AND YOU. Using expectations of others as a guide for the outcome of your life will keep you OUT of the driver’s seat and having the rewards (and hard work too) of creating and directing YOUR life.

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The Formation of The Pleaser!!

ar124586171973294A child around the age of two begins their explorations into the bigger world.  Parents often mistake the child’s need to practice independence and autonomy as disrespect, stubbornness, or selfishness.  Not  True!   At two, a child’s ‘rebellion’ is not disrespect but rather an attempt to listen to new and emerging messages. The little person is having an explosions of  sensations, feelings, and ideas.  It is their first tiny attempt to exert an “itty bitty” Separate Self.  All humans begin what is known as “The Practicing Stage”.   And we keep on practicing don’t we?  Children must try out their independence in a variety of ways.  Some ways of being don’t work so well and they get “extinguished”, others become part of the personality.

Hmmm, you ask,  do we just let  a child  do their own thing?  “Isn’t  some guidance and limit setting necessary?”  Of course!   However, OVERLY compliant children grow up to be overly compliant adults.  Such people have only the foggiest idea about what THEY want, feel, or think. Their only guide for living is to please others and to do exactly what is expected.  I hear so many adults describe themselves as “Pleasers”.

In order to change, adult Pleasers, have to “re-find” themselves.  Humans are born with the capacity for independence and autonomy.  How we are encouraged and supported during our early efforts to separate will vary tremendously.  It is, however, never too late to pay attention to YOU.   We generally know what we want and need even if it is only a quiet inkling (that we keep to ourselves).  Making room by taking YOU seriously is what creates the process of change.  Simply tune in and turn up the volume!   You will be surprised at what you find.

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A Look at “The Perfectionist”

08eb4ceThe term “Perfectionist” is used to define a person who generally strives to do things perfectly AND also may those around him or her to do the same.  Very often these people are extremely high achievers.  They seem to accomplish multiple tasks and do an outstanding job.  Although striving for quality and high standards can be a positive attribute, it can, as with anything else, be taken to an extreme and become a real problem.  People who live, love or work with a perfectionist often feel subtle disapproval of the smallest infraction or deviation from the PERFECT.  This can create tensions in the relationship. It’s important to remind a ‘healthy perfectionist’ that not everyone is the same. In fact, we are all different!

 The perfectionist…often complains of feeling overly driven and bothered by trivial details that many others can overlook.  They are left feeling disappointed in others and resentful.  They vow that to get anything done correctly, they must do it themselves!  This leaves an ever-growing mountain of tasks to be accomplished.  Overwhelmed and exhausted, the perfectionist may become cranky and sound more like a ‘drill sergeant’. Unrealistic expectation to place on yourself or those around you is unsustainable.  Try to distinguish between what is high quality and what is perfect… there is a tremendous difference.  One is attainable and the other is not!

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